Why Shaking the Family Tree can be Bad for your Health

I discovered an online article published by the Telegraph in London with a cute title of Why Shaking the Family Tree can be Bad for your Health. I thought to myself, "This should be a cute, tongue-in-cheek article." Wrong! Author Elizabeth Day is serious.

The article quotes a number of instances in which genealogists want psychotherapy to be made available for people who stumble across unpleasant discoveries while researching their family history. The article claims, "Many of Britain's four million amateur genealogists will end up discovering illegitimacy, bigamy, adoption and previously unknown relatives in the course of their research." Somehow, I doubt if the problem is confined to the British Isles.

The author also quotes Else Churchill of the Society of Genealogists. You can read this interesting article here.

Comments

[Rick Morgan]

Shaking you family tree can be bad for your health. It's true. I learned some things that disturbed me and they stay with me. One ancestor was lost at sea one month before the birth of his daughter, also my ancestor, in the 1600's. I learned that my great grandmother lost three cousins, all in their twenties, at sea, two of them on the same ship, in the 1800's. In the ealy 1800's a daughter of my gggrandfather died as a child in a tragic fire before the birth of my ggrandmother. I'm sure there are many more stories. Some of these haunt me. Rick Morgan

[Clay Hamilton]

I have found similar situations in my ancestral lines. I have not been disturbed by any of the afflictions, maladies, stupidity, bastardy, or
bad behavior. Just as we cannot take undue pride in our ancestors achievements, we cannot be dismayed by their failings. Buck up, those of you who are disappointed--or worse--its not your fault!!

[Dino (All Dino, All the Time)]

These people need to get a grip on themselves. Imagine being in tears because you find out an uncle is illegitimate, or being traumatized because your gr-gr-gr-grandparents were never married. May they shouldn't be doing their family histories if they are afraid of reality getting in the way.

[Bev Anderson]

One must develop a sense of humor about the skeletons in the ancestral closets....

I knew in my maternal line one of my ancestors and his second son had been proscribed and banished during the Revolutionary War for providing supplies to the British in their ships... and only a couple of years ago found documents in Canada about that ancestor, including his will, that the person who wrote a book about the Carver genealogy apparently never found or was not aware of. The Loyalist's mother had sued his father... when she discovered she was pregnant in 1733, and I have the documents about it (the law suit was dismissed in 1734, after the birth of the child who later became the Loyalist - my guess is that they were married by then because they had other children). In my paternal main line, there are men listed in the DAR Lineage who were on the American side of the Rev. War.... It balances out.

My paternal gr-grandfather was a rogue - he was married, two children, a boy and a girl. When he wanted to go west for free homestead land, his wife refused to go with... so he took his neighbor's wife and her daughter (she left a husband and son behind), they traveled west together, had a homestead, and they had three daughters together. Neither one divorced their spouses or married each other. When she died he buried her on the homestead between two oak trees and planted asparagus on her grave. The oldest of the three daughters they had together was my father's mother who became a midwife (and I finally broke through the brick wall last month and now know where her mother's father and mother came from). Then, later, he had a third woman living with him, she died in 1921, and the newspaper obit lists her as his wife (no children, they were both old by then). His only legal spouse died in 1933, and he died in 1934. The 1896 death certificate for my paternal gr-grandmother lists her surname the same as my paternal gr-grandfather, although they were never married. Explaining that (and other details) to family members requires a diagram for who descends from which legitimate line, and who descends from the illegitimate line! :-)

There are sad stories of men being lost at sea (some owned ships), there's obviously a sad tale in the dates of death for one young widow who died within two weeks of her only child who died young (sister of my ancestor). While tragic, those were everyday realities for many families centuries ago.

The lives of my ancestors were their lives and they were responsible for their own lives, their own actions. I can only be responsible for my life, my actions. With a twinkle in my eye (not unlike my handsome gr-grandfather's in his photo when he was about 82), I have made jokes about my all-too-human ancestors and their 'imperfect' lives. Compared to them, my life has been pretty boring.... :-)

[Gloria]

All these stories are about flawed people as we all are. In the 1890's one of my grandmother lost 2 siblings from scarlet fever with in days of each other, she lost her hearing in 1 ear because of it. In her early 20's her husband, 30 years of age died leaving her with 2 children and an expected baby. That baby died at 19 of a brain tumor.She married again in her late 20's had 2 more children and before she died at 102 and a half she had out lived 3 of her 5 children, and many close relatives. On her 100 birthday when interviewed she said I am a happy person and have had a happy life. Although there were times of extreme sadness for her there were many more moments of joy.

[Margaret McCleskey]

I have at least two male ancestors who were illegitimate. That bothers me not a bit, however, it would be nice to know who the fathers were. But more interesting than that is the great great grandaunt who murdered her husband. It may seem strange to some, but I am just a little glad that she did. Without the records of her trial, I would never have been able to prove one set of great great great grandparents.

[David]

Kind of like this:

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the
window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a low (loud)
voice, "Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons..., both
surgeons."

After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight
lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two
sons..., both judges."

After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce
himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims,
"Master Chief, United States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons..., both Admirals.

[Norm]

In my case, doing family research actually prepared me for our family secret. Several discussions I read on oral histories covered the warning signs of getting too close to a family secret that someone isn't willing to share and to respect them by steering clear of the subject. As I chatted with various relatives over the years I kept spotting those signs and finally got a clue that something was there but I heeded the advice and never pressed.

After my father died several years ago, my mother found it necessary to inform me of the family secret -- that my parents had marital problems before I was born, my father had cheated on mom, and that I had too older half-sisters. Oddly enough, I wasn't mad and I wasn't shocked -- I was actually relieved because I finally knew what the family secret was.