Humor

Another Humorous Obituary

“Michael James Sweetack was born in Fond du Lac Wisconsin on May 27th, 1974 to Stanley and Debra Sweetack.

“He died on July 5th, 2018, leaving behind 8 packets of Szechuan sauce, a whole lot of debt, one 10 euro note, and other various things that could very possibly be used to make concentrated dark matter, the fuel for accelerated space travel- regardless of the issue with relativity.

“He was preceded in the death by approximately 101 billion other people and…”

There’s more. You can read the entire obituary at http://m.hovcremation.com/obituaries/events?obituaryId=3145136.

Past Predictions about the Future of Electricity

On March 29, 1879, a widely circulated newspaper called the American Register published a scathing editorial stating that “it is doubtful if electricity will ever be [widely] used” because it was too expensive to generate.

Several months later, the Select Committee on Lighting and Electricity in the British House of Commons held hearings on electricity, with experts stating that there was not “the slightest chance” that the world would run on electric power generation. In 1879, electricity was still considered an expensive fantasy.

Thomas Edison contradicted those statements a few months later, on New Years Eve. Edison publicly unveiled his incandescent light bulb in Menlo Park. At the time he allegedly stated “We will make electricity so cheap that only the rich will burn candles.”

Terry Ward’s Obituary Mentions He Left Behind 32 Jars of Miracle Whip and 17 Boxes of Hamburger Helper

I am saddened that I never met Terry Wayne Ward of DeMotte, Indiana. He sounds like a man I would love to know. Here is his obituary:

Terry Wayne Ward, age 71, of DeMotte, IN, escaped this mortal realm on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018, leaving behind 32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

Terry is survived by his overly-patient and accepting wife Kathy, who was the love of his life (a fact she gladly accepted sympathy for during their 48 years of marriage). He is also survived by daughters Rebecca (William) Hines and Jean (Jeff) Lahm; sister, Linda; brother, Phil; grandchildren: Alexander and Hannah Hines (The Mesopotamians), Daphne and Erin Pistello (The Daffer and Peanut), Brendan and Owen Lahm (Phineas and Ferb) and Tessa McMurry (Smiley).

He is preceded in death by his parents Paul and Bernice Ward, daughter Laura Pistello, grandson Vincent Pistello, brother Kenneth Ward, a 1972 Rambler and a hip.

Philip Dayton Thorpe’s Obituary: “I told you this would happen”

Philip Dayton Thorpe passed away on April 10. Before his death, he wrote his own obituary. Here are some excerpts:

“Philip Dayton Thorpe, born in Salt Lake City, April 1, 1934, to Ward R. & Phyllis Dayton Thorpe, and whose birth probably marked the beginning of April Fools’ Day, died April 10, 2018, from causes related to life-long obesity and sleeping standing up. His grave marker will read ‘This corpse, is Phil Thorpe’s.'”

“His accomplishments will be published at a later date, if any are discovered.”

Ikea Founder Ingvar Kamprad Dies Aged 91

There seem to be a lot of obituaries lately. Today I read that the founder of Ikea, Ingvar Kamprad, passed away. Details may be found at: http://bit.ly/2FqHDxj.

Rumor has it that his funeral may be delayed while his family figures out how to assemble the casket:

The Humorous Obituary of Terry Ward

I admire this man’s lifestyle. Terry Ward of DeMotte, Indiana, passed away January 23, 2018. I don’t know who wrote his obituary but, whoever it was, that person has a sense of humor. Amongst other things, the obituary states:

“Terry Wayne Ward, age 71, of DeMotte, IN, escaped this mortal realm on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018, leaving behind 32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse.”

“Terry died knowing that The Blues Brothers was the best movie ever, (young) Clint Eastwood was the baddest-ass man on the planet, and hot sauce can be added to absolutely any food.”

Another Humorous (?) Tombstone

I don’t know if this tombstone is really funny or perhaps it is sad. It was posted to Facebook by Israel Pickholtz. Luckily, he also included a translation:

The above tombstone is translated as: “I have reared and raised my children and they have sinned against me.” It is a quote from the second verse of Isaiah.

Yes, his displeasure with his children is etched in stone.

A Humorous Tombstone

Tombstone of B.P. “Pearl” Roberts, Key West, Florida

No, Not a Professional Gynecologist!

On a recent episode of the television quiz show, Wheel of Fortune, a partially filled-out phrase looked good but the contestant blurted out the wrong answer: Professional Gynecologist.

professionalgenealogist

The correct answer was: Professional Genealogist.

You can see a video at https://goo.gl/PFzYxs.

 

Another Humorous Obituary But This One is Different

Genealogists certainly do have a sense of humor. The following “sad news” was received from the Iowa Genealogical Society:

Des Moines, Iowa. Having faithfully served the genealogical community for almost 13 years, Heating Unit #1 of the Iowa Genealogical Society died in late November 2015. It will be missed by all. It began failing in early November and by the end of the month, the heating professionals removed life support, saying that it was unsafe. It is survived by its twin, Heating Unit #2, which continues to bear the burden of providing heat to the library, and cousins Units # 3,4,5 and 6 which support the remaining areas of the building.

In lieu of flowers, memorials may be sent to the Iowa Genealogical Society, 628 East Grand, Des Moines, IA 50309. Interment and replacement costs are estimated to be approximately $8,000. The family is working with Mid American Energy to defray part of these costs.

Another Method of Finding Your Ancestors: Use Time Travel

NOTE: I have no way of verifying the accuracy of these claims. In fact, I have serious doubts about them. However, this story does present some intriguing facts and makes for interesting speculation.

Did a few time travelers from the year 8100 go back in time to see the past for themselves? Have time travelers from Suffolk in the year 8100 been attempting to make contact with the past through the use of UFOs and “complex pictures (crop circles) in English fields?”

Several books and web sites make that claim. They also speculate that the time travelers were here only to observe their history. Maybe they are future genealogists.

A former US Air Force commander claims to have gathered new evidence which proves that a UFO landed in 1980 in Rendlesham Forest, near a US airbase in Suffolk, England. Officially, there was nothing seen on radar that night. However, the “landing” or whatever it may have been was witnessed by 30 US servicemen, as well as by several British policemen.

The Reincarnation Machine: Who Might You Have Been in a Past Life?

Who were you in a previous life? To help you find out, Slate Magazine scraped tens of thousands of people from Wikipedia and built the Reincarnation Machine. Type in your birth date, and the machine will match you to somebody who died on your birth date or close to it. Then, it will match that person to somebody who died close to his or her birth date, and so on through history. Were you Elvis Presley? Lyndon Johnson? A Welsh stage actress? Type your birth date at http://goo.gl/BuiAb6 to find out!

Yeah, like I almost believe this stuff. I still want to see the documentation!

The Disadvantage of a Scottish Brogue

The Scots are a proud people. The are also fiercely proud of their accents. However, that accent can occasionally be a disadvantage, as shown in this YouTube video of two Scotsmen who are frustrated by an elevator that uses voice recognition. (Warning, some profanity is in the video.)

You can watch the video at http://youtu.be/PJj_nO46gq8 or in the video player below.

Going Back to Work after a Few Years Absence and a Change in Technology

This is perhaps the shortest video you’ve ever seen, so pay attention… A woman goes back to work after thirty years.

Watch carefully, the video is only 5 seconds long, but you’ll get it. If you’re younger than 40 years old, you probably won’t understand it.